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Tell Me.

Hi there!
As I’m embarking on a new challenge (quitting my job), I would like to hear from you guys.
My next plan is to start on an abandoned mission, due to personal reasons. What is it? I’m glad you asked.
It’s basically to help people gain self-esteem in all sorts of way. I can’t really dish out everything I’m planning though…I hope you understand.
But I want to know – is this a viable step? Would YOU want to challenge yourself to be the very best you can?
If you could be so kind, please do leave some tips on my comments section, or simply tell me if you would be interested in this mission.
Thank you!

Love & Peace.

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I Love Me.

Those are the words you should tell yourself every second, every minute, every day. “I love me”, cos if you don’t, who else will?

I’ve been through a rough few weeks of angst behaviors with all the negative thoughts I keep in my head, mainly from work and family. Recently, I went to Bangkok and it really couldn’t be at a better time. That time away from everything got me to be more grounded within myself. I managed to have some time to myself every morning for meditation and a few minutes of exercise before breakfast, before my travel buddy woke up. I got the luxury of lazing around and not do anything. Yes, I was a bit crazy to bring along some study material but it was always at the same place that I left it till departure – the coffee table. Haha!

Anyway, back to the subject. In times of stress and rush, and especially with all the noise in the world, it’s good to find some quiet time for yourself. Each and every one of us are born differently. There’s no just one type of beauty – which is really not the photoshopped images media portrays everywhere. Begin to love the small things about yourself, perhaps from the way your mouth curves when you smile or the way you laugh or the way your hair is so camera ready (like, where’s the gush of wind when you need it?)…you get the drift. Always starts from the smaller things. Say something nice about yourself to the mirror EVERY DAY.
Hint: It’s also a good way of keeping fit for a longer time. The more confident you are about yourself, the more you’re able to keep out.

And just cos the world could use a bit more love, and a lot less hatred.
Think about it.

Love & Peace.

Aside
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This is hard for me to say. It’s actually very hard for me to even admit it to myself, but I know I will have to go through this soon.

I’ve so much red on my ledger, caused so much pain to others in my past that sometimes, I feel like it’s pay back time. 
People see me as someone who has self-confidence, always jovial…but what they don’t see are the nights I spend crying myself to sleep, and the pain that I’m quietly suffering with. My demons are growing bigger, leading me to dwell in sadness and anger at times. And it’s normally times like these that it gets hard to smile and see the bright side of life. 

I’m not so open about this, but I do regret some of my past choices – we all do – but one more so than anything else. It still hurts to think if I caused so much pain to that person? Am I where I am for that bad choice? It was a relationship not meant to be, but at the same time, it was something that was precious. Was it the way it ended that I am dealt with the cards as such, now? It’s been almost 5 years now, and the pain still hurts me to date.

At nights, I feel lonely and all out of love to give. With a house filled with nothing but silence and anger, what was once my sanctuary became my cage. I find myself questioning when will I get my break? 

There’s also the constant realization that I’m getting no where closer to my dream. In fact, I just don’t know where to start. I’m 24. They say I’m still young, but when you’re so far off the tracks of your dream, it’s just a winding tunnel and right now, I’m on a standstill. 

I feel like I’m undergoing depression, or just really low self-worth now. I don’t know. All I can feel is sadness within and sometimes, it’s not enough to hide it with smiles and laughter. It’s been hard to write positive notes for a while, and I’m only human. But, hey, nothing time can’t heal…

My problems are not as big as others, but for those that feel the same out there, you’re not alone. 
We’ll make it through.

Love & peace.