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Still Alive.

It’s been crazy lately with the start of a new job and constantly working late while having a busy schedule. I just wanted to check on you. How are you? I’ve missed you.
My current favourite track is Sia’s Alive. I can’t pull the link out as I’m on my way to work, but please do listen to it if you will. I hope you like to as much as I do.
Got to go now. I’ll be back soon. 
Take care of yourself.

Love & Peace.

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Hip Hip Hooray! A nomination!

one-lovely-blog

Hey all! Hope your weekend is going smoothly so far! It has been so hectic so this post is rather belated, but nonetheless still valid. I am so glad to announce that I have been nominated for this amazing award of One Lovely Blog Award by StephJ. It’s truly an honour and to know that all the heartfelt posts I’ve been carving out has lead to this nomination *wipes tears of joy away from my face*. Once again, thank you so much for nominating me for this award. I look forward to the next chapter of our adventure!

The rules are simple as A,B,C…

  • Thank the nominator and link them.
  • List the rules and display the award.
  • Add 7 facts about yourself.
  • Nominate 7 other bloggers and let them know via a comment.

7 fact about myself:

  1. I am still a Disney lover. Well, do we ever grow out of it? Despite how life can seem to mess up the little joys in our childhood, I’d like to stop over-thinking every situation and just enjoy them for what they are.
  2. I’m terribly scared of animals. Yup, cats and dogs and the rest of them. I would love to get over my fear of dogs one day though.
  3. I find myself rather confusing and indecisive most times. That…maybe I should not put this as one of my 7 facts…but it won’t kill me, right? We all have felt this before…have you?
  4. One of my bucket list items is to break out into a perfect dance number on the dance floor with tons of back up dancers – the kind you see on movies. How does one choreograph a club full of people???
  5. I love cloud gazing. Sure, it’s not as magical as star gazing but it makes me incredibly happy and calm, and fill me up with inspiration and positivity.
  6. My dream is to be a professional singer/ songwriter performing internationally, and helping to eradicate human trafficking. Now, I just need to work on my patience to learn an instrument.
  7. Last but not least, to insert some wackiness into this list, I am a totally crazed Minion fan! So much so that my boss got me stickers with minions and my name on it. I have the umbrella, most of the collection from the McDonald’s Happy Meals, flip flops too! 🙂 Let your inner kid shine, most times.

And my nominations goes to…

Wow! That wasn’t easy!
And I just had the biggest shock of my life by pressing the “back” button without having saved this as a draft! Thank you, auto save! P/s: ALWAYS save your work!

Go forth and be awesome, my dear ones.

Love & Peace.

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Breaking Bad Habits.

Took a Sabbath break yesterday but my mind was constantly thinking of what I should write for my next post.

Two things I’ve learnt about myself recently:
1) I am constantly worried about being “the right one”, “the role model” that I have put on burdens in my life that causes so much stress. So much so that the minute I make a mistake, I take it out on myself, in the harshest way possible. That’s when my hormones start screwing up, causing depression mood swings.
2) I am afraid of going completely out of my comfort zone. Yes, we all are and it’s completely understandable. So, when someone comes into my life, throwing me into areas I’m not familiar with, the first thing I do is run for cover and find reasons why this won’t work out.

There are a million things that causes anxiety and depression, but these are mine…in a nut shell.

Depression and anxiety are like underaged teens high on drugs with raging sex hormones. You can only control it so much, but sometimes it gets influenced by external factors that it decides to go against your will, leaving you as the “parent” overwhelmed and worried. I hope I’m making sense. I’m not a parent, so feel free to rectify this analogy.

My belief is that no amount of medicines or counselling can help unless you decide to change yourself. Yes, I know how harsh that may sound but imagine this: you can’t feed a child vegetables unless he/she opens the mouth in order to try it. Same thing, no? Change won’t happen unless you want it.

In order for that to happen, stop killing your spirit everytime you feel down. You can’t fight fire with fire. Water the negativity out and find something that makes you happy every day, even if it’s a pair of minion socks 🙂

Love & Peace.

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Fighting Demons.

Now, since it’s the start of October and everyone is getting into the mood of Halloween, I’m going to carry on talking about depression. After all, they are the mini demons latching onto us when we are at our lowest, giving us the temptation of suicidal or self-abusive thoughts.

I am no expert. I refuse to go to the doctor about my condition as I do not want to be relying on mood adjustment pills. Sometimes, I even question if I’m under depression or I’m just overwhelmed by everything around me so it’s just a temporary phase. Temporary can’t mean something you’ve been dealing with for years now, can it?

I’ve read a handful of sites that suggests ways to deal with the demons. Talk to someone, exercise, eat right, get adequate sunlight, drink water, etc. Every site boils down to the same suggestions, and honestly, I am tired of reading them. I am not saying that they’re wrong or not useful – don’t get me wrong. I firmly believe in all of those but what happens when you’re so down in the pits that it’s hard to climb up? Are you expected to make the effort to get into the light so that others can help you? Well, yes sure, we don’t have night vision eyes.

Truth is, it will be tough, almost impossible to get up and reach out. I’ve been embarrassed by people whom I’ve decided to open up to about my condition. Like yeah sure, who the heck wants to talk to anyone after that? My folks think I have a bad attitude problem and calls it a “bad habit that I should stop” without so much as asking me what’s going on without a condescending tone. I feel like I burden my close friends whenever I talk about my problems, cos it’s always the same things that happen. So, when they ask you to talk to someone – who, exactly are they referring to? Nobody can help you deal with this as much as you can. I’m not saying you shouldn’t talk to people whom you think will understand. By all means, go for it. BUT if you do not decide to change your life decisions, you would be finding yourself back to square 1 in no time.

Think.

What can you do differently when you hit rock bottom next time? I personally love to just get out of the house, do something I love like watch a comedy or visit the museum or walk by the beach. It may not sound like much, but trust me when I say that you’re a step closer to being yourself again. The fact that you got out of bed, dressed up and went out even if you feel like crap – you deserve a pat on the back!

If you’re like me (sometimes), the procrastinator, well…you know what, you should still try to get out! Get away from what’s triggering your depression! For me right now, it’s the fact that I’m jobless and the decreasing funds in my bank account. Unfortunately, I can’t run away from it altogether but it’s no use spending hours behind the computer job hunting when you keep telling yourself that you’re not good enough. Recently, I was watching a video on how to get your dream job and the truth is that we all think the only way to get jobs is by sending resumes to job ads, and wait for a call back. We don’t want to get out of our comfort zone, meet new people or ask for help from people we know. Make use of our connections. One should not only apply this rule to job hunting, but to our lives. Why wait when you can do something about it?

So, I’m a single, jobless and depressed woman. Depressed mainly because I’m single and jobless, and been in enough terrible relationships that could put Bridget Jones to shame. Truth is, in this day and age, nothing will ever be enough. We can have the most coverted job and model-esque partner by our side, but if we’re not TRULY happy and grateful for what we have, we’d be obsessed till depressed. Heh, nice ring to that.

We all have different problems in our lives but whatever it is, it just shows that you haven’t put yourself first in a lot of situations. Putting yourself first doesn’t mean splurging on diamonds and shoes, it simply means to love yourself more. Ignore the fast moving pace of our lives, dedicate a 10-15 minutes by yourself, in complete quietness. Take control of your thoughts. Take control of your body. Remember, you are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you that you can’t deal with. Create a spiritual bond between you and your mind and soul. Pray.

Loneliness is nothing to be scared about. Be its friend, embrace it. Treat it as a person.

Depression and anxiety takes control over us like the negative people in our lives. Remember, you can overcome this. Breathe. You’re a powerful being with willpower hard enough to break through the cycles.

If you need an outlet, don’t succumb to self-abuse. My favourite thing to do is to run. Do something that exhilarates you. Box, hike, run, dance, sing, climb, etc…the world is your playground. Live in it.

And if all else fails, call me up for some ice cream and vodka over Bridget Jones 😉

Love & Peace.

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Fighting Obsession: YOU can be the best person for yourself.

One of the most biggest mistakes I make daily is the fact that I keep thinking that I need someone to save me. I put myself out there only to get disappointed, hurt and most recently – the feeling of being a worthless pit. Despite the constant repeat of results I get every time I go through this vicious cycle, I just can’t seem to break free. It was fine for a while, till I had the shadow of loneliness hovering above me, leading to sleepless nights filled with tears and ice cream, which leads me back into it.

I’ve been going through major cycles of anxiety and depression lately. I won’t deny that I’ve not contemplated ending my life, even till this morning…can’t say that I still don’t think about it as I’m blogging this. There’s a inner voice that tells me my life is worth so much more, but when you’ve broken down to your lowest…does it matter? When you no longer have respect for your body and morals, does it matter?

I’m tired. I am tired.

Giving up always seems easier than staying strong and going through the waves. But giving up only means that you are losing the most important gift of all – life.

The world seems like such a heavy thing to carry on your shoulders. Sometimes, I find myself feeling guilty for complaining about my problems when there are others out there without half the luxuries I have. What keeps their spirits high, even when the future seems bleak? Why can’t we learn something from that?

Everyone wants to find someone that accepts them for who they are, but how can you find that person if you don’t accept yourself? Learn to be your own cheerleader first before going into a rancid relationship.

A week ago, I made a promise to a close friend that I won’t seek male validation and focus on myself first before dating someone else. Needless to say, it was hard and I have failed. So, I am reinstating this promise now!

I (and you) DO NOT need someone to fill the loneliness in my/ your life only just to make a bigger hole for it days/ weeks later.
I (and you) DO NOT need someone who uses me/ you for pleasure.
I (and you) DO NOT need someone who can’t understand me/ you when me/ you fall but wants to be there when I’m/ you’re happy.
I (and you) DO NOT need someone who is not willing to go the distance for me/ you.

What we NEED:
A positive outlook in life and love. Don’t lose hope that there’s still good people out there.
A stronger mind and body.
A deeper love for our bodies. Respect.
More hugs for yourself, by yourself.
Telling yourself that you LOVE you!

I want to win this battle on my own terms, at my own pace. I want to fulfill my dreams. I want to stop undermining myself.

So, I want to tell each and everyone of you that you are beautiful.
You are B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L just the way you are. You are not alone.

Share your experiences or tips on self-love, depression, anxiety in the comments section. Alternatively, you can e-mail me at thevacantspot@gmail.com

Love & Peace

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#PeaceDay

On the 21st September, it has been called Peace Day. A day of non-violence, forgiveness and acceptance. A day that should be more than just one day, but also holds hope for a better, non-violent future for the young if they know this is possible.

As a start, who would you want to apologize to? Who would you want to make peace with today? It doesn’t matter if you’ve been wronged, if it wasn’t your fault. All that matters is that you let go of that hurt and hatred, forgive and accept forgiveness. Love. Move on. Life is far more important than to live with a burden in our hearts.

I seek forgiveness for my wrongdoings and for the times that I let my emotions get over my head, covering up my better judgements.

Seek peace with yourself and others today.

To find out more about Peace Day, click on this link: Today is #PeaceDay

Love & Peace.