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The Dream of a Reality that…

It’s been almost a year since my boyfriend and I have been together. We met his parents for the first time yesterday. Aware of everything that was going to happen, I thought “ok, let’s hope for the best. They may change their mind.” 

They didn’t. 

Culturally or societical pressurised, they want him to marry by mid 2017 as we’re both reaching our 30s in a couple years. I don’t want to rush only because we’ve just started to get to know each other. There seemed to be no way out of that, as they only want to fulfill their duties as parents.

The tricky part comes, then. We’re both from 2 different religions, culture and background. His parents expecting me to follow and worship their Gods on top of mine is just not happening. If you’re worried about my parents’ agreeing to this, this double religion is a big No.

What do you when you love someone but parents force you to react otherwise? Like, am I suppose to just grow another heart and break his? I don’t understand why religion is such a big issue here. I go to church, pray, try my best to be a good human – isn’t that all that matters? Why does religion have to be a part of loving and accepting someone? It fucking kills. Can’t you accept mine and I, yours, and just move on without forcing it on the other? Religion DOES NOT make a person good. Your actions do. People just use it as an excuse more than doing shit. 

Ok. I’m tired. Frustrated. And just filled with a ton of hurt and other emotions.

Telling someone that if your mum doesn’t agree or you can’t follow our religion, then we can just be friends is not a solution to anything.

But thanks.

Thanks for saying that our feelings mean shit cos well, religion matters more.

Rant over.

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The reason I love him.

“When he said to let someone in my heart again,
I started liking him.
When he listened and entertained my doubts,
I started falling for him.
When he took time to address my fears,
I started falling hard for him.
When he spoke about his fears,
I grew to love him.
When he helped me to be comfortable in my own skin,
I was mad in love with him.”

Thank you for being the man that allows me to grow as a woman, a confident woman, without compromises. I have learnt to love again and it’s all because of you. You’re my inspiration, strength and crazy happy pill.

I’ve got a good feeling about this.

Be Love.

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100 followers! WOW!

I’m so blessed to have reached 100 followers! It’s been a slow journey but I’ve reached the first stage. Oh, and what a fruitful one it has been. I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for giving me the push to carry on with random posts. Blogging is just an outlet to let out my views on love, life and the world, and it’s great when a discussion gets started. Really WOW!!
I am constantly looking for ways to improve my blog, so if there’s any suggestions at all, or great topics you’d like my views on – please do email me at thevacantspot@gmail.com 🙂

Once again, thank you for making this journey worthwhile! I wish everyone a very happy and blessed New Year!
P/s: keep working on those resolutions!

Love & Peace.

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Musings.

Sometimes, I wonder if I deserve a second chance. I’ve done crazy things and I seek no forgiveness for it. Lately, I’ve just been thinking a lot about you, about us.
You were hard to read so I felt like I tried too hard. I had my dramatic moments which caused us to break away but you never understood the reason behind my actions.
I know I should have gotten over you…after all, it’s been 9 months plus. I was. Maybe it’s just cos I’m getting lonely, wishing I had someone special in my life, even if it wasn’t right.
It’s never easy when you put so much time and effort to something that never was meant to last.
But that’s life, and life is full of topsy-turvy moments.
“It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel lonely.”

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Look.

I look in the mirror
And staring right at me is someone I do not know.
Who is this person?
How did I change into being so insecure?

I look in the mirror
Telling myself that I am beautiful but
As I walk away,
I turn around with nothing but doubt
Written on my face.

I look in the mirror
Practicing smiles and laughter
Only to feel the need to cover up my
Real feelings.

I look in the mirror
Wanting to be who I really am
But feeling stuck
Feeling pulled by my own shadow
To stay this way

I look in the mirror
And pray for a better tomorrow.

Love & Peace.

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Still Alive.

It’s been crazy lately with the start of a new job and constantly working late while having a busy schedule. I just wanted to check on you. How are you? I’ve missed you.
My current favourite track is Sia’s Alive. I can’t pull the link out as I’m on my way to work, but please do listen to it if you will. I hope you like to as much as I do.
Got to go now. I’ll be back soon. 
Take care of yourself.

Love & Peace.

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Hip Hip Hooray! A nomination!

one-lovely-blog

Hey all! Hope your weekend is going smoothly so far! It has been so hectic so this post is rather belated, but nonetheless still valid. I am so glad to announce that I have been nominated for this amazing award of One Lovely Blog Award by StephJ. It’s truly an honour and to know that all the heartfelt posts I’ve been carving out has lead to this nomination *wipes tears of joy away from my face*. Once again, thank you so much for nominating me for this award. I look forward to the next chapter of our adventure!

The rules are simple as A,B,C…

  • Thank the nominator and link them.
  • List the rules and display the award.
  • Add 7 facts about yourself.
  • Nominate 7 other bloggers and let them know via a comment.

7 fact about myself:

  1. I am still a Disney lover. Well, do we ever grow out of it? Despite how life can seem to mess up the little joys in our childhood, I’d like to stop over-thinking every situation and just enjoy them for what they are.
  2. I’m terribly scared of animals. Yup, cats and dogs and the rest of them. I would love to get over my fear of dogs one day though.
  3. I find myself rather confusing and indecisive most times. That…maybe I should not put this as one of my 7 facts…but it won’t kill me, right? We all have felt this before…have you?
  4. One of my bucket list items is to break out into a perfect dance number on the dance floor with tons of back up dancers – the kind you see on movies. How does one choreograph a club full of people???
  5. I love cloud gazing. Sure, it’s not as magical as star gazing but it makes me incredibly happy and calm, and fill me up with inspiration and positivity.
  6. My dream is to be a professional singer/ songwriter performing internationally, and helping to eradicate human trafficking. Now, I just need to work on my patience to learn an instrument.
  7. Last but not least, to insert some wackiness into this list, I am a totally crazed Minion fan! So much so that my boss got me stickers with minions and my name on it. I have the umbrella, most of the collection from the McDonald’s Happy Meals, flip flops too! 🙂 Let your inner kid shine, most times.

And my nominations goes to…

Wow! That wasn’t easy!
And I just had the biggest shock of my life by pressing the “back” button without having saved this as a draft! Thank you, auto save! P/s: ALWAYS save your work!

Go forth and be awesome, my dear ones.

Love & Peace.

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Breaking Bad Habits.

Took a Sabbath break yesterday but my mind was constantly thinking of what I should write for my next post.

Two things I’ve learnt about myself recently:
1) I am constantly worried about being “the right one”, “the role model” that I have put on burdens in my life that causes so much stress. So much so that the minute I make a mistake, I take it out on myself, in the harshest way possible. That’s when my hormones start screwing up, causing depression mood swings.
2) I am afraid of going completely out of my comfort zone. Yes, we all are and it’s completely understandable. So, when someone comes into my life, throwing me into areas I’m not familiar with, the first thing I do is run for cover and find reasons why this won’t work out.

There are a million things that causes anxiety and depression, but these are mine…in a nut shell.

Depression and anxiety are like underaged teens high on drugs with raging sex hormones. You can only control it so much, but sometimes it gets influenced by external factors that it decides to go against your will, leaving you as the “parent” overwhelmed and worried. I hope I’m making sense. I’m not a parent, so feel free to rectify this analogy.

My belief is that no amount of medicines or counselling can help unless you decide to change yourself. Yes, I know how harsh that may sound but imagine this: you can’t feed a child vegetables unless he/she opens the mouth in order to try it. Same thing, no? Change won’t happen unless you want it.

In order for that to happen, stop killing your spirit everytime you feel down. You can’t fight fire with fire. Water the negativity out and find something that makes you happy every day, even if it’s a pair of minion socks 🙂

Love & Peace.