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Fighting Obsession: YOU can be the best person for yourself.

One of the most biggest mistakes I make daily is the fact that I keep thinking that I need someone to save me. I put myself out there only to get disappointed, hurt and most recently – the feeling of being a worthless pit. Despite the constant repeat of results I get every time I go through this vicious cycle, I just can’t seem to break free. It was fine for a while, till I had the shadow of loneliness hovering above me, leading to sleepless nights filled with tears and ice cream, which leads me back into it.

I’ve been going through major cycles of anxiety and depression lately. I won’t deny that I’ve not contemplated ending my life, even till this morning…can’t say that I still don’t think about it as I’m blogging this. There’s a inner voice that tells me my life is worth so much more, but when you’ve broken down to your lowest…does it matter? When you no longer have respect for your body and morals, does it matter?

I’m tired. I am tired.

Giving up always seems easier than staying strong and going through the waves. But giving up only means that you are losing the most important gift of all – life.

The world seems like such a heavy thing to carry on your shoulders. Sometimes, I find myself feeling guilty for complaining about my problems when there are others out there without half the luxuries I have. What keeps their spirits high, even when the future seems bleak? Why can’t we learn something from that?

Everyone wants to find someone that accepts them for who they are, but how can you find that person if you don’t accept yourself? Learn to be your own cheerleader first before going into a rancid relationship.

A week ago, I made a promise to a close friend that I won’t seek male validation and focus on myself first before dating someone else. Needless to say, it was hard and I have failed. So, I am reinstating this promise now!

I (and you) DO NOT need someone to fill the loneliness in my/ your life only just to make a bigger hole for it days/ weeks later.
I (and you) DO NOT need someone who uses me/ you for pleasure.
I (and you) DO NOT need someone who can’t understand me/ you when me/ you fall but wants to be there when I’m/ you’re happy.
I (and you) DO NOT need someone who is not willing to go the distance for me/ you.

What we NEED:
A positive outlook in life and love. Don’t lose hope that there’s still good people out there.
A stronger mind and body.
A deeper love for our bodies. Respect.
More hugs for yourself, by yourself.
Telling yourself that you LOVE you!

I want to win this battle on my own terms, at my own pace. I want to fulfill my dreams. I want to stop undermining myself.

So, I want to tell each and everyone of you that you are beautiful.
You are B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L just the way you are. You are not alone.

Share your experiences or tips on self-love, depression, anxiety in the comments section. Alternatively, you can e-mail me at thevacantspot@gmail.com

Love & Peace

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Tell Me.

Hi there!
As I’m embarking on a new challenge (quitting my job), I would like to hear from you guys.
My next plan is to start on an abandoned mission, due to personal reasons. What is it? I’m glad you asked.
It’s basically to help people gain self-esteem in all sorts of way. I can’t really dish out everything I’m planning though…I hope you understand.
But I want to know – is this a viable step? Would YOU want to challenge yourself to be the very best you can?
If you could be so kind, please do leave some tips on my comments section, or simply tell me if you would be interested in this mission.
Thank you!

Love & Peace.

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The Love You Have.

It only takes one mean remark to make someone crumble.
It takes the same energy to show love, but you get double the energy for it.
So why are people choosing to be mean?

We’re all humans. We will blow up from time to time. What we fail to remember is that everyone has their own problems. Nobody was born with none.

Some problems are just bigger than what we can handle singlehandedly. Does that we should give up? Does that mean we should just go on with our lives and turn a blind eye to them? I hope not.

We fail to realize that despite race, religion, sexual orientation and colour, we’re all the same underneath.

We can be so mean sometimes even when no words are exchanged. From our deathly stares to how we chose to switch seats to acting like “different” people are contagious – why do we prefer to cause hurt to people?

Teaching children with special needs, I’ve heard a few stories of how these kids are dissed in our “normal” world.
Having homosexual friends, I’ve heard of how people act like it’s a disease.
Looking from afar, I’ve seen how construction workers and transgenders have been shunned from society too.

We speak of love for each other – but does that love come with terms and conditions?

Love & Peace.

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Stretched Out Thin.

It’s always easy to get so wrapped up in our own problems and worries, and it’s never easy when the ones that matters put more strain on you. Life is such, ain’t it? We have more bumps in the road than a gun has its rounds. Work, love, family, finances – if you really look at it, none of us are really 100% happy. The more we chase for what we think is happiness, the more stressed we get. Cos really, what is happiness?

Last Saturday, after a month plus of being super stretched out, I broke down at work. I began swearing and had to fight tears which were ever ready to stream down like the Niagra Falls. That’s when I knew I needed my alone time, to relish myself. I found bliss in switching off my phone for the entire day, went to one of my favorite restaurants and ordered Eggs Benedict with a nice pot of tea. Got to read my book while waiting, which was such a wonderful experience. Despite being slightly full, I treated myself to a scoop of Belgium chocolate ice cream after (nothing brightens up your mood like ice cream).

Next on my agenda was to get an album from the music store, but really – how can I just get one?! It was such a difficult decision that I decided not to make it for now and left to find a cinema. Now, that was a rather turned off moment of the day. With all the renovations in the malls being done, I had circled a part of the mall so many times that even a hyper kid would get dizzy. With directions given, I walked the distance of what felt like a mini marathon and FINALLY, got to the cinema, made it to a good movie and got my laughs on.

So what is happiness? If you ask me, it’s about being able to be totally independent and confident with yourself. And eating ice cream.
Don’t let your demons (or angels) get the best of you.

Wanna share your story? E-mail thevacantspot@gmail.com for information.

Love & Peace.