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100 followers! WOW!

I’m so blessed to have reached 100 followers! It’s been a slow journey but I’ve reached the first stage. Oh, and what a fruitful one it has been. I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for giving me the push to carry on with random posts. Blogging is just an outlet to let out my views on love, life and the world, and it’s great when a discussion gets started. Really WOW!!
I am constantly looking for ways to improve my blog, so if there’s any suggestions at all, or great topics you’d like my views on – please do email me at thevacantspot@gmail.com ­čÖé

Once again, thank you for making this journey worthwhile! I wish everyone a very happy and blessed New Year!
P/s: keep working on those resolutions!

Love & Peace.

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Musings.

Sometimes, I wonder if I deserve a second chance. I’ve done crazy things and I seek no forgiveness for it. Lately, I’ve just been thinking a lot about you, about us.
You were hard to read so I felt like I tried too hard. I had my dramatic moments which caused us to break away but you never understood the reason behind my actions.
I know I should have gotten over you…after all, it’s been 9 months plus. I was. Maybe it’s just cos I’m getting lonely, wishing I had someone special in my life, even if it wasn’t right.
It’s never easy when you put so much time and effort to something that never was meant to last.
But that’s life, and life is full of topsy-turvy moments.
“It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel lonely.”

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Look.

I look in the mirror
And staring right at me is someone I do not know.
Who is this person?
How did I change into being so insecure?

I look in the mirror
Telling myself that I am beautiful but
As I walk away,
I turn around with nothing but doubt
Written on my face.

I look in the mirror
Practicing smiles and laughter
Only to feel the need to cover up my
Real feelings.

I look in the mirror
Wanting to be who I really am
But feeling stuck
Feeling pulled by my own shadow
To stay this way

I look in the mirror
And pray for a better tomorrow.

Love & Peace.

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Still Alive.

It’s been crazy lately with the start of a new job and constantly working late while having a busy schedule. I just wanted to check on you. How are you? I’ve missed you.
My current favourite track is Sia’s Alive. I can’t pull the link out as I’m on my way to work, but please do listen to it if you will. I hope you like to as much as I do.
Got to go now. I’ll be back soon. 
Take care of yourself.

Love & Peace.

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Fighting Obsession: YOU can be the best person for yourself.

One of the most biggest mistakes I make daily is the fact that I keep thinking that I need someone to save me. I put myself out there only to get disappointed, hurt and most recently – the feeling of being a worthless pit. Despite the constant repeat of results I get every time I go through this vicious cycle, I just can’t seem to break free. It was fine for a while, till I had the shadow of loneliness hovering above me, leading to sleepless nights filled with tears and ice cream, which leads me back into it.

I’ve been going through major cycles of anxiety and depression lately. I won’t deny that I’ve not contemplated ending my life, even till this morning…can’t say that I still don’t think about it as I’m blogging this. There’s a inner voice that tells me my life is worth so much more, but when you’ve broken down to your lowest…does it matter? When you no longer have respect for your body and morals, does it matter?

I’m tired. I am tired.

Giving up always seems easier than staying strong and going through the waves. But giving up only means that you are losing the most important gift of all – life.

The world seems like such a heavy thing to carry on your shoulders. Sometimes, I find myself feeling guilty for complaining about my problems when there are others out there without half the luxuries I have. What keeps their spirits high, even when the future seems bleak? Why can’t we learn something from that?

Everyone wants to find someone that accepts them for who they are, but how can you find that person if you don’t accept yourself? Learn to be your own cheerleader first before going into a rancid relationship.

A week ago, I made a promise to a close friend that I won’t seek male validation and focus on myself first before dating someone else. Needless to say, it was hard and I have failed. So, I am reinstating this promise now!

I (and you) DO NOT need someone to fill the loneliness in my/ your life only just to make a bigger hole for it days/ weeks later.
I (and you) DO NOT need someone who uses me/ you for pleasure.
I (and you) DO NOT need someone who can’t understand me/ you when me/ you fall but wants to be there when I’m/ you’re happy.
I (and you) DO NOT need someone who is not willing to go the distance for me/ you.

What we NEED:
A positive outlook in life and love. Don’t lose hope that there’s still good people out there.
A stronger mind and body.
A deeper love for our bodies. Respect.
More hugs for yourself, by yourself.
Telling yourself that you LOVE you!

I want to win this battle on my own terms, at my own pace. I want to fulfill my dreams. I want to stop undermining myself.

So, I want to tell each and everyone of you that you are beautiful.
You are B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L just the way you are. You are not alone.

Share your experiences or tips on self-love, depression, anxiety in the comments section. Alternatively, you can e-mail me at thevacantspot@gmail.com

Love & Peace