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Dear Me,

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for being so wonderful to me. Despite my strengths and weaknesses, you have held me up, kept me healthy and alive. Despite my anxious days where my mind gets so cluttered that all I can see emptiness, you have been through it all with me.
What will I ever do without you, my dear arms and legs, heart and soul, body and brain?

There’s a postcard that I came across today, while clearing my drawer, that said “I am not telling you it would be easy, but I will tell you it will be worth it.” In moments of doubt and self-inflicted insecurity, I crumble. Hard. Everyone sees the happy me as a mask to my insecurity that I faced on a daily basis. Sometimes, the world just feels too heavy on my shoulders. I wish, oh I wish, I could just shrug it off. It doesn’t take that long for it to come crawling back, especially when you start thinking about the indefinite future and financial stability.

I’ve lived my whole life trying to make the people around me happy, even to the point of neglecting my own happiness. Now, that I am single, I still find myself trying to be a great daughter to my parents. The fact that I have just become a burden with my sudden unemployment and no back-up plan breaks me apart. I try to keep positive but deep down, I am crumbling in fear. Hence, this makes me think – how do we measure happiness? Is it by the wealth and luxuries that we own? Is it by amount of savings we have in our bank accounts or the travel holidays we have? Is it by the newest gadgets, cars or what not? Are we never gonna be happy with what we have? Will it ever be enough? Is life nothing but a continuous money chase?

All I’m asking is for a little faith in me. There are so many things I want to do in this life and I feel like I have this massive ticking clock at the back of my head, which triggers all of my anxieties. All I’m asking is for you to be proud of me, for the things I’ve accomplished in life, for how far I’ve gotten and the woman I’ve become.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying my parents are mean and nasty. We’re just not the most upfront people in the world when it comes to sharing love to one another.

Tough love. But don’t ever make that an excuse to tell someone that you love them and how proud you are of them.

Lastly, dear insecurities, please leave me alone and let me live my own life. I am an able body with a beautiful set of dreams waiting to be chased, and I will not back down till I’m at the finishing line. *Shakes off the little demons on my shoulders*

Peace & Love.

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The Hardest Thing.

Looking back at my testimonials from previous teachers, I had this sudden drop in my heart. The kind of feeling that one has when you’ve been hit with the realization that you could do much more, but have been doing nothing except procrastinating. A giant kick in the butt, I would say.

But when I woke up this morning, the words of Baz Luhrmann resounded in my head, “Don’t regret if you do not know what you want to do in your life…Some of the most interesting 40 year olds still don’t.”

Life is a roller coaster. We don’t need to stress out every aspect of it, like it’s the end of the world. Our dreams tend to get dissolved as soon as we reach adulthood, with the bills and bank loans pilling up. Despite all of this, never, ever lose yourself. Take time to make time for yourself. Do the things you love. Keep dreaming and working on it. Visit toy stores and become a kid again. Don’t forget to stop living.

Love & Peace.

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Don’t be afraid to jump.

No, not literally jump OFF the cliff or a high-rise building, or basically to kill yourself. No. I’m talking about life and dreams.

I know I’ve had a lot of posts saying we should be happy with what we have. Yes, that’s still true. But should we be complacent and stop fighting for our dreams and visions? No! Heck, no! Being happy with who you are, what you have and how you are are all just part of being humble. And well, if you don’t start now, the more you have is not gonna make you any happier cos you’ll always want more.

That’s us humans, though. I totally understand, but don’t let that be an excuse not to change.

Moral of the story:

Take chances in life. Feel it. Own it. Live it. Be humble. Stay strong. Stay focused. Aim for your dreams. Be proud. Be confident. Breathe. Love. Believe.

Off to dreamland for now. Night night!

Be kind to one another 🙂 x

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Goodbye 2013. Hey there, sexy 2014!

To be honest, I’m not so much as relieved that 2013 has gone as many are. 2013 was such an amazing year for me, especially when it came to exploring myself and learning to love myself. Sure, I fell into those short, redundant relationships that ended badly (but hey, there’s good that comes from every bad relationship – you learn to pick yourself up again!) 

This post is more for me than it is for your reading, but if you wish to, go ahead. Maybe you wouldn’t think 2013 was a bad year for you too (come, come!) On a side note, I’m really hyped up listening to The Wanted and singing to every word of every song on my playlist. *Could this be loveeee??*

The crazy things I did in 2013 (and I don’t care if you judge me for these):
– After being a fan ever since they started, I finally got to go for their concert when they came with Jeff Timmons and Blue. Yup, a1! No doubt I am a fan of the other two acts, but I went absolutely nuts for a1! Oh c’mon, who could resist Mark’s sizzled smile, Ben’s deep eyes and that sultry voice of Christian? Mmmm…

– I went back to Twitter, mainly as a form of celeb-watching. You can’t trust everything on E! Entertainment and Perez Hilton, right?

– I went for my first meet-and-greet session (yes, with a1). Went completely starstruck in front of Ben and regret missing Mark and Christian. I blame the stupid security. Maybe I should get a wheelchair or crutches next time for more time…

– Went for my Deepavali flea thing, mainly cos Hrithik Roshan came down to promote Krrish 3. Thanks to my friends, I went fan-crazy and followed them to the hotel where there was a gala dinner in his name. He must have, indeed, have some superpowers in eating as he only went in for about 5 minutes and rushed out. -shrugs-

– Yes, we went to the hotel he stayed at the next day and we did get a photo with him (as a group – he touched my shoulder *girl screams*).

– I have allowed my parents to confirm that their daughter is mad. What’s new?

There’s honestly much, much, MUCH more to this list but I wouldn’t want you to think I escaped from the mental institute now… 😉

Getting to the deeper stuff:

I learnt to love myself more, survive heart break after heart break. I’m a true believer of how every bad brings about some good, and even though it gets hard to see that at times, all you need is time and space. Loads of it. All my experiences in the past year have brought me to the person I am today. I was never that girl who could walk with my head high up and smile at absolutely nothing, feeling that inner peace burst from inside of me. I was never that girl who was able to speak my mind. I was never that girl who stood up for my beliefs. No, in fact, I was a timid and shy girl. It’s only when I started to love myself more and more with every day that pass by, that I am able to be who I am now. And frankly, I love the me now. 

I’m still learning. I make mistakes. We all do – we’re humans. But more than anything, 2013 has been the year that I learnt to change my views on life and love. 

2014 will be a new beginning and hopefully, a straighter path to my dreams. Will be working on my inner peace further and investing in myself and my loved ones first. 

Resolutions for 2014? Continue to look at the glass half full, love harder, work diligently, be foolish but grow stronger. And more than anything, start on that big dream.

Wishing all my readers and loved ones a year filled with peace, love, happiness and good health! Remember that resolutions will just be resolutions unless you decide to make that change. A new year won’t be different unless you change yourself first. Create that inner peace in you and watch how it unfolds into something magical.

Be kind to one another 🙂 xx