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Success.

A teacher asked her class, “Write down what you want to be when you grow up.”
“I want to be a fireman.”
“I want to be a doctor.”
“I want to be a teacher.,

“I want to be happy.”
Upon reading that, the teacher looked up and said, “I think you misunderstood what my question was…”
“No,” said the child, “if I can’t be happy, I won’t be successful.”

Last night, my mum’s friend came over. She was asking about my job and what the company I work in does. As I explained to her and told her the different roles I’ve done, she looked to my mum and said, “your daughter is so successful. Why worry?”

Now, that made me leap as the first thought that came to my mind was, “am I being judged by my position in terms of whether I am successful or not?” Truth is, if you’ve understood the moral of the above story, success derives from being happy. The sad truth is that people fail to remember that.

We race, or sprint towards the next IT thing. Always wanting to top someone else or feeling judged by others if you so much as, God forbid, not get that latest gadget/car/bag/phone/shoes/invisible clothes/real clothes, etc. Do they bring you true happiness or just a false impression of it?

We are so busy running after a fantasy of life when really, all you have to do to live is to relax and enjoy the little things. So, the next time you see a family being busy with their phones and iPads, please do smack them…well, not literally, wouldn’t want you getting sued cos of me. You get my point, I hope.

Live. Laugh. Love.

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Look.

I look in the mirror
And staring right at me is someone I do not know.
Who is this person?
How did I change into being so insecure?

I look in the mirror
Telling myself that I am beautiful but
As I walk away,
I turn around with nothing but doubt
Written on my face.

I look in the mirror
Practicing smiles and laughter
Only to feel the need to cover up my
Real feelings.

I look in the mirror
Wanting to be who I really am
But feeling stuck
Feeling pulled by my own shadow
To stay this way

I look in the mirror
And pray for a better tomorrow.

Love & Peace.

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Fighting Demons.

Now, since it’s the start of October and everyone is getting into the mood of Halloween, I’m going to carry on talking about depression. After all, they are the mini demons latching onto us when we are at our lowest, giving us the temptation of suicidal or self-abusive thoughts.

I am no expert. I refuse to go to the doctor about my condition as I do not want to be relying on mood adjustment pills. Sometimes, I even question if I’m under depression or I’m just overwhelmed by everything around me so it’s just a temporary phase. Temporary can’t mean something you’ve been dealing with for years now, can it?

I’ve read a handful of sites that suggests ways to deal with the demons. Talk to someone, exercise, eat right, get adequate sunlight, drink water, etc. Every site boils down to the same suggestions, and honestly, I am tired of reading them. I am not saying that they’re wrong or not useful – don’t get me wrong. I firmly believe in all of those but what happens when you’re so down in the pits that it’s hard to climb up? Are you expected to make the effort to get into the light so that others can help you? Well, yes sure, we don’t have night vision eyes.

Truth is, it will be tough, almost impossible to get up and reach out. I’ve been embarrassed by people whom I’ve decided to open up to about my condition. Like yeah sure, who the heck wants to talk to anyone after that? My folks think I have a bad attitude problem and calls it a “bad habit that I should stop” without so much as asking me what’s going on without a condescending tone. I feel like I burden my close friends whenever I talk about my problems, cos it’s always the same things that happen. So, when they ask you to talk to someone – who, exactly are they referring to? Nobody can help you deal with this as much as you can. I’m not saying you shouldn’t talk to people whom you think will understand. By all means, go for it. BUT if you do not decide to change your life decisions, you would be finding yourself back to square 1 in no time.

Think.

What can you do differently when you hit rock bottom next time? I personally love to just get out of the house, do something I love like watch a comedy or visit the museum or walk by the beach. It may not sound like much, but trust me when I say that you’re a step closer to being yourself again. The fact that you got out of bed, dressed up and went out even if you feel like crap – you deserve a pat on the back!

If you’re like me (sometimes), the procrastinator, well…you know what, you should still try to get out! Get away from what’s triggering your depression! For me right now, it’s the fact that I’m jobless and the decreasing funds in my bank account. Unfortunately, I can’t run away from it altogether but it’s no use spending hours behind the computer job hunting when you keep telling yourself that you’re not good enough. Recently, I was watching a video on how to get your dream job and the truth is that we all think the only way to get jobs is by sending resumes to job ads, and wait for a call back. We don’t want to get out of our comfort zone, meet new people or ask for help from people we know. Make use of our connections. One should not only apply this rule to job hunting, but to our lives. Why wait when you can do something about it?

So, I’m a single, jobless and depressed woman. Depressed mainly because I’m single and jobless, and been in enough terrible relationships that could put Bridget Jones to shame. Truth is, in this day and age, nothing will ever be enough. We can have the most coverted job and model-esque partner by our side, but if we’re not TRULY happy and grateful for what we have, we’d be obsessed till depressed. Heh, nice ring to that.

We all have different problems in our lives but whatever it is, it just shows that you haven’t put yourself first in a lot of situations. Putting yourself first doesn’t mean splurging on diamonds and shoes, it simply means to love yourself more. Ignore the fast moving pace of our lives, dedicate a 10-15 minutes by yourself, in complete quietness. Take control of your thoughts. Take control of your body. Remember, you are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you that you can’t deal with. Create a spiritual bond between you and your mind and soul. Pray.

Loneliness is nothing to be scared about. Be its friend, embrace it. Treat it as a person.

Depression and anxiety takes control over us like the negative people in our lives. Remember, you can overcome this. Breathe. You’re a powerful being with willpower hard enough to break through the cycles.

If you need an outlet, don’t succumb to self-abuse. My favourite thing to do is to run. Do something that exhilarates you. Box, hike, run, dance, sing, climb, etc…the world is your playground. Live in it.

And if all else fails, call me up for some ice cream and vodka over Bridget Jones 😉

Love & Peace.

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I’m a bully.

Now, we’ve heard, seen, or have been a part of being bullied/ bullying. It’s the inevitable. Even to ourselves, our constant strive for wanting to be the best even when our bodies can’t take it anymore is, to me, bullying. The act of not caring. The act of not loving. The act of not listening.

I’m planning on making a small documentary, though the basic brief is still in a bit of a blur now. It’ll simply be about people who are bullies saying that they are.
But I really REALLY need your thoughts, feedback, etc. And just to clarify, this is no way saying that bullying is alright since it gets the fame.
I’m against bullying but till we don’t admit that we are what we are, we can’t change for the better.

So…yay or nay? Leave your comments below.

Be kind to one another 🙂 x
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Goodbye 2013. Hey there, sexy 2014!

To be honest, I’m not so much as relieved that 2013 has gone as many are. 2013 was such an amazing year for me, especially when it came to exploring myself and learning to love myself. Sure, I fell into those short, redundant relationships that ended badly (but hey, there’s good that comes from every bad relationship – you learn to pick yourself up again!) 

This post is more for me than it is for your reading, but if you wish to, go ahead. Maybe you wouldn’t think 2013 was a bad year for you too (come, come!) On a side note, I’m really hyped up listening to The Wanted and singing to every word of every song on my playlist. *Could this be loveeee??*

The crazy things I did in 2013 (and I don’t care if you judge me for these):
– After being a fan ever since they started, I finally got to go for their concert when they came with Jeff Timmons and Blue. Yup, a1! No doubt I am a fan of the other two acts, but I went absolutely nuts for a1! Oh c’mon, who could resist Mark’s sizzled smile, Ben’s deep eyes and that sultry voice of Christian? Mmmm…

– I went back to Twitter, mainly as a form of celeb-watching. You can’t trust everything on E! Entertainment and Perez Hilton, right?

– I went for my first meet-and-greet session (yes, with a1). Went completely starstruck in front of Ben and regret missing Mark and Christian. I blame the stupid security. Maybe I should get a wheelchair or crutches next time for more time…

– Went for my Deepavali flea thing, mainly cos Hrithik Roshan came down to promote Krrish 3. Thanks to my friends, I went fan-crazy and followed them to the hotel where there was a gala dinner in his name. He must have, indeed, have some superpowers in eating as he only went in for about 5 minutes and rushed out. -shrugs-

– Yes, we went to the hotel he stayed at the next day and we did get a photo with him (as a group – he touched my shoulder *girl screams*).

– I have allowed my parents to confirm that their daughter is mad. What’s new?

There’s honestly much, much, MUCH more to this list but I wouldn’t want you to think I escaped from the mental institute now… 😉

Getting to the deeper stuff:

I learnt to love myself more, survive heart break after heart break. I’m a true believer of how every bad brings about some good, and even though it gets hard to see that at times, all you need is time and space. Loads of it. All my experiences in the past year have brought me to the person I am today. I was never that girl who could walk with my head high up and smile at absolutely nothing, feeling that inner peace burst from inside of me. I was never that girl who was able to speak my mind. I was never that girl who stood up for my beliefs. No, in fact, I was a timid and shy girl. It’s only when I started to love myself more and more with every day that pass by, that I am able to be who I am now. And frankly, I love the me now. 

I’m still learning. I make mistakes. We all do – we’re humans. But more than anything, 2013 has been the year that I learnt to change my views on life and love. 

2014 will be a new beginning and hopefully, a straighter path to my dreams. Will be working on my inner peace further and investing in myself and my loved ones first. 

Resolutions for 2014? Continue to look at the glass half full, love harder, work diligently, be foolish but grow stronger. And more than anything, start on that big dream.

Wishing all my readers and loved ones a year filled with peace, love, happiness and good health! Remember that resolutions will just be resolutions unless you decide to make that change. A new year won’t be different unless you change yourself first. Create that inner peace in you and watch how it unfolds into something magical.

Be kind to one another 🙂 xx