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Tales of the busy procrastinator of a 20-something.

I should change my blog to the title as above and never post anything. Haha!

As I transition to a new job scope and handling the rush that comes with Christmas by preparing hand-made hampers for our clients, I have very much abandoned posting on my blog for a long while. It’s been very tiring on my body that I even forgotten about the German lessons I’m taking on duolingo (and that only requires 10 minutes of my day!) My body has gone through so much of internal conflict that I feel sorry for it. -hugs myself-

What’s the point in pushing your body to the limit continuously? It’ll get back to you in disastrous ways. I have had indigestion, cold and sore throat over the last 2 weeks. Not to mention that when we get worked up, our body tends to want to take in anything sugary. It’s good to treat yourself sometimes but stress eating is not good (ask anyone about it – but we would still do it).

I honestly have no idea what this post is about. Haha just random ramblings.

Moral of the story: Stop stressing about things. Leave work to work. Give your body sufficient rest, even if you feel you don’t need it. Treat your body as another person, a loved one. Drink loads of water. Enjoy nature during lunch.
And most importantly, Christmas is the season of giving but you don’t need to stress about expensive things. Give your time. Give your presence. Help someone in need.

Love & Peace.

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Dear Me,

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for being so wonderful to me. Despite my strengths and weaknesses, you have held me up, kept me healthy and alive. Despite my anxious days where my mind gets so cluttered that all I can see emptiness, you have been through it all with me.
What will I ever do without you, my dear arms and legs, heart and soul, body and brain?

There’s a postcard that I came across today, while clearing my drawer, that said “I am not telling you it would be easy, but I will tell you it will be worth it.” In moments of doubt and self-inflicted insecurity, I crumble. Hard. Everyone sees the happy me as a mask to my insecurity that I faced on a daily basis. Sometimes, the world just feels too heavy on my shoulders. I wish, oh I wish, I could just shrug it off. It doesn’t take that long for it to come crawling back, especially when you start thinking about the indefinite future and financial stability.

I’ve lived my whole life trying to make the people around me happy, even to the point of neglecting my own happiness. Now, that I am single, I still find myself trying to be a great daughter to my parents. The fact that I have just become a burden with my sudden unemployment and no back-up plan breaks me apart. I try to keep positive but deep down, I am crumbling in fear. Hence, this makes me think – how do we measure happiness? Is it by the wealth and luxuries that we own? Is it by amount of savings we have in our bank accounts or the travel holidays we have? Is it by the newest gadgets, cars or what not? Are we never gonna be happy with what we have? Will it ever be enough? Is life nothing but a continuous money chase?

All I’m asking is for a little faith in me. There are so many things I want to do in this life and I feel like I have this massive ticking clock at the back of my head, which triggers all of my anxieties. All I’m asking is for you to be proud of me, for the things I’ve accomplished in life, for how far I’ve gotten and the woman I’ve become.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying my parents are mean and nasty. We’re just not the most upfront people in the world when it comes to sharing love to one another.

Tough love. But don’t ever make that an excuse to tell someone that you love them and how proud you are of them.

Lastly, dear insecurities, please leave me alone and let me live my own life. I am an able body with a beautiful set of dreams waiting to be chased, and I will not back down till I’m at the finishing line. *Shakes off the little demons on my shoulders*

Peace & Love.