Today’s lesson: Relax.
Today’s lesson: Relax.
Took a Sabbath break yesterday but my mind was constantly thinking of what I should write for my next post.
Two things I’ve learnt about myself recently:
1) I am constantly worried about being “the right one”, “the role model” that I have put on burdens in my life that causes so much stress. So much so that the minute I make a mistake, I take it out on myself, in the harshest way possible. That’s when my hormones start screwing up, causing depression mood swings.
2) I am afraid of going completely out of my comfort zone. Yes, we all are and it’s completely understandable. So, when someone comes into my life, throwing me into areas I’m not familiar with, the first thing I do is run for cover and find reasons why this won’t work out.
There are a million things that causes anxiety and depression, but these are mine…in a nut shell.
Depression and anxiety are like underaged teens high on drugs with raging sex hormones. You can only control it so much, but sometimes it gets influenced by external factors that it decides to go against your will, leaving you as the “parent” overwhelmed and worried. I hope I’m making sense. I’m not a parent, so feel free to rectify this analogy.
My belief is that no amount of medicines or counselling can help unless you decide to change yourself. Yes, I know how harsh that may sound but imagine this: you can’t feed a child vegetables unless he/she opens the mouth in order to try it. Same thing, no? Change won’t happen unless you want it.
In order for that to happen, stop killing your spirit everytime you feel down. You can’t fight fire with fire. Water the negativity out and find something that makes you happy every day, even if it’s a pair of minion socks 🙂
Love & Peace.
Life is like a roller coaster. You have to accept the ups and downs with it. Go through the downs only to rise up, and the ups only to be grateful for the lessons learnt.
Love & Peace.
Now, since it’s the start of October and everyone is getting into the mood of Halloween, I’m going to carry on talking about depression. After all, they are the mini demons latching onto us when we are at our lowest, giving us the temptation of suicidal or self-abusive thoughts.
I am no expert. I refuse to go to the doctor about my condition as I do not want to be relying on mood adjustment pills. Sometimes, I even question if I’m under depression or I’m just overwhelmed by everything around me so it’s just a temporary phase. Temporary can’t mean something you’ve been dealing with for years now, can it?
I’ve read a handful of sites that suggests ways to deal with the demons. Talk to someone, exercise, eat right, get adequate sunlight, drink water, etc. Every site boils down to the same suggestions, and honestly, I am tired of reading them. I am not saying that they’re wrong or not useful – don’t get me wrong. I firmly believe in all of those but what happens when you’re so down in the pits that it’s hard to climb up? Are you expected to make the effort to get into the light so that others can help you? Well, yes sure, we don’t have night vision eyes.
Truth is, it will be tough, almost impossible to get up and reach out. I’ve been embarrassed by people whom I’ve decided to open up to about my condition. Like yeah sure, who the heck wants to talk to anyone after that? My folks think I have a bad attitude problem and calls it a “bad habit that I should stop” without so much as asking me what’s going on without a condescending tone. I feel like I burden my close friends whenever I talk about my problems, cos it’s always the same things that happen. So, when they ask you to talk to someone – who, exactly are they referring to? Nobody can help you deal with this as much as you can. I’m not saying you shouldn’t talk to people whom you think will understand. By all means, go for it. BUT if you do not decide to change your life decisions, you would be finding yourself back to square 1 in no time.
What can you do differently when you hit rock bottom next time? I personally love to just get out of the house, do something I love like watch a comedy or visit the museum or walk by the beach. It may not sound like much, but trust me when I say that you’re a step closer to being yourself again. The fact that you got out of bed, dressed up and went out even if you feel like crap – you deserve a pat on the back!
If you’re like me (sometimes), the procrastinator, well…you know what, you should still try to get out! Get away from what’s triggering your depression! For me right now, it’s the fact that I’m jobless and the decreasing funds in my bank account. Unfortunately, I can’t run away from it altogether but it’s no use spending hours behind the computer job hunting when you keep telling yourself that you’re not good enough. Recently, I was watching a video on how to get your dream job and the truth is that we all think the only way to get jobs is by sending resumes to job ads, and wait for a call back. We don’t want to get out of our comfort zone, meet new people or ask for help from people we know. Make use of our connections. One should not only apply this rule to job hunting, but to our lives. Why wait when you can do something about it?
So, I’m a single, jobless and depressed woman. Depressed mainly because I’m single and jobless, and been in enough terrible relationships that could put Bridget Jones to shame. Truth is, in this day and age, nothing will ever be enough. We can have the most coverted job and model-esque partner by our side, but if we’re not TRULY happy and grateful for what we have, we’d be obsessed till depressed. Heh, nice ring to that.
We all have different problems in our lives but whatever it is, it just shows that you haven’t put yourself first in a lot of situations. Putting yourself first doesn’t mean splurging on diamonds and shoes, it simply means to love yourself more. Ignore the fast moving pace of our lives, dedicate a 10-15 minutes by yourself, in complete quietness. Take control of your thoughts. Take control of your body. Remember, you are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you that you can’t deal with. Create a spiritual bond between you and your mind and soul. Pray.
Loneliness is nothing to be scared about. Be its friend, embrace it. Treat it as a person.
Depression and anxiety takes control over us like the negative people in our lives. Remember, you can overcome this. Breathe. You’re a powerful being with willpower hard enough to break through the cycles.
If you need an outlet, don’t succumb to self-abuse. My favourite thing to do is to run. Do something that exhilarates you. Box, hike, run, dance, sing, climb, etc…the world is your playground. Live in it.
And if all else fails, call me up for some ice cream and vodka over Bridget Jones 😉
Love & Peace.
One of the most biggest mistakes I make daily is the fact that I keep thinking that I need someone to save me. I put myself out there only to get disappointed, hurt and most recently – the feeling of being a worthless pit. Despite the constant repeat of results I get every time I go through this vicious cycle, I just can’t seem to break free. It was fine for a while, till I had the shadow of loneliness hovering above me, leading to sleepless nights filled with tears and ice cream, which leads me back into it.
I’ve been going through major cycles of anxiety and depression lately. I won’t deny that I’ve not contemplated ending my life, even till this morning…can’t say that I still don’t think about it as I’m blogging this. There’s a inner voice that tells me my life is worth so much more, but when you’ve broken down to your lowest…does it matter? When you no longer have respect for your body and morals, does it matter?
I’m tired. I am tired.
Giving up always seems easier than staying strong and going through the waves. But giving up only means that you are losing the most important gift of all – life.
The world seems like such a heavy thing to carry on your shoulders. Sometimes, I find myself feeling guilty for complaining about my problems when there are others out there without half the luxuries I have. What keeps their spirits high, even when the future seems bleak? Why can’t we learn something from that?
Everyone wants to find someone that accepts them for who they are, but how can you find that person if you don’t accept yourself? Learn to be your own cheerleader first before going into a rancid relationship.
A week ago, I made a promise to a close friend that I won’t seek male validation and focus on myself first before dating someone else. Needless to say, it was hard and I have failed. So, I am reinstating this promise now!
I (and you) DO NOT need someone to fill the loneliness in my/ your life only just to make a bigger hole for it days/ weeks later.
I (and you) DO NOT need someone who uses me/ you for pleasure.
I (and you) DO NOT need someone who can’t understand me/ you when me/ you fall but wants to be there when I’m/ you’re happy.
I (and you) DO NOT need someone who is not willing to go the distance for me/ you.
What we NEED:
A positive outlook in life and love. Don’t lose hope that there’s still good people out there.
A stronger mind and body.
A deeper love for our bodies. Respect.
More hugs for yourself, by yourself.
Telling yourself that you LOVE you!
I want to win this battle on my own terms, at my own pace. I want to fulfill my dreams. I want to stop undermining myself.
So, I want to tell each and everyone of you that you are beautiful.
You are B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L just the way you are. You are not alone.
Share your experiences or tips on self-love, depression, anxiety in the comments section. Alternatively, you can e-mail me at email@example.com
Love & Peace
Every now and then, we are always craving for new experiences. That’s how we learn, no? Something worth talking about to our friends and family too. An expansion to our knowledge.
Yes, there a billion things we can do and some cost more than others (not all of us can afford to own a helicopter or climb Mount Everest).
There’s this new awareness thing in town. Alright, new probably isn’t the word as it’s on for years but the public has started picking it up only over the past few years. This experience is called “dining in the dark”. Experience having a meal as a blind person, void of colours and having to rely solely on touch and taste (and hearing if you’re having chips).
I did my own DIY experience. It would have been more effective if I didn’t personally lay out my plate with my eyes open. Then again, I can’t afford to make so much of a mess or I would be yelled at. Anyway, getting back – I closed my eyes as I had my first bite and for the entire meal. I found myself feeling around the plate for the vegetables and rice. Every morsel I had was exhilarating. The best parts of the entire meal was how the soft, fried cubes of tofu broke apart as I bite into it and how the fish melted in my mouth. I had something crunchy too, which I’m assuming was garlic.
Now, it was a different experience for me but I won’t call myself an expert as to how the blind live. I wouldn’t know what I’d do without any one of my senses. As the saying goes, “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone” is incredibly true.
For those out there that has faced a sudden drastic change in their lives, I wish you all the strength and perseverance for the present and future.
Little bits of such experiences teaches me (and I hope you) that we should be grateful for the gifts we have in our lives. There’s no such thing as a bad life, only a bad day, and that too can be changed.
And the last note for the day, you don’t need to spend tons of money on new experiences. Think outside the box the next time you want to do something different!
Love & Peace.
On the 21st September, it has been called Peace Day. A day of non-violence, forgiveness and acceptance. A day that should be more than just one day, but also holds hope for a better, non-violent future for the young if they know this is possible.
As a start, who would you want to apologize to? Who would you want to make peace with today? It doesn’t matter if you’ve been wronged, if it wasn’t your fault. All that matters is that you let go of that hurt and hatred, forgive and accept forgiveness. Love. Move on. Life is far more important than to live with a burden in our hearts.
I seek forgiveness for my wrongdoings and for the times that I let my emotions get over my head, covering up my better judgements.
Seek peace with yourself and others today.
To find out more about Peace Day, click on this link: Today is #PeaceDay
Love & Peace.