When purpose is defeated.

I’m no stranger to online dating apps. But what happens when you’re sold into a web of lies and hurt?
This is my recent experience, and like many people, I never thought it’d happen to me.

I have always tried to see the best in people, which have made me somewhat gullible at times. My recent encounter with someone I met on a dating site has never been so disgusting and hurtful. On the other hand, I’m glad I found out the truth before things went too far.

He was charming, down-to-earth, hilarious, witty, kind and pretty generous. Though looks weren’t all there, he still seemed to be quite the perfect package. And ‘sides, looks fade but humour doesn’t.

We had contacted a year before, but somehow stopped after a while till I went back on the app. So, after a week or 2, we met for dinner. And a week after, for a movie and ice cream. Nothing fancy, agreed on keeping things simple and see where it leads. Now, we texted everyday and he acted so well like a single adult man. Naturally, I would try to google/ search Facebook for the person I’m
dating after the second or third date. So, to my horror, he turned out to be married and has a baby!

It’s only been a few days since I found out so I’m in the midst of feeling angsty, wanting to punch someone or scream vulgarities or downing a bottle of vodka. I’ll emphasize that not many are as lucky as I am, to have found out this early. But it’s just disgusting that when he was confronted, he had tons of silly excuses. Not to mention, putting himself as single on a dating app, and all that flirting. I can only pray that he has learnt his mistake or his wife finds out soon.

It may not seem like much, since we didn’t do anything except 2 harmless dates. But can you really put a label on the lies that have caused hurt and disgust?

Dating apps are good to find new friends and meet different people from all walks of life, but sadly, it’s also a way for people to cheat on their partners. So, please, I urge all my readers – use it with caution. The world is becoming less honest as we know it, but we still need to keep our spirits high.

Have a story to share? Kindly email thevacantspot@gmail.com or see my previous posts for more details.

Love & Peace.

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7 thoughts on “When purpose is defeated.

  1. I read an article in Atlantic magazine about this kind of phenomenon. A significant number of men are not considered “eligible” to date for various reasons, which include having no job and no assets. Those in the eligible category tend to be playboys with multiple relationships. It’s the way of the 21st century. But I’m sorry you had to be a victim of it.

    • It’s sad that it’s happening still. Such things have been since early years, but with technology and social media, it just becomes more easier. I’m still glad I had this overwhelming feeling to check him out. He has since deleted his accounts.

  2. I agree with Ordinary Soul, there’s a second logic to it:
    1. The category of men described in the blog, comment above have always existed.
    2. Women who wanted “Pure”, “True” ,”Reliable” men had to be smart in 100BC, 1650 AD and even 2014.
    3. With the world of “Internet of Things” and Digital identity, you just have to be a little smarter.

    Mitigation:
    I can’t tell girls how they can be smarter (As I believe, women are smarter than men) but I can share things I do before I go meet some girl on a blind date:

    1. Met someone? Talking on a dating app. Interested in taking it forward: Move the conversation from the dating app and talk to her on Whatsapp or Facebook.

    2. Things move further? Insist on adding them as friends on FB (don’t take her out on dates till you have her on FB) | If you’re worried about your personal information: Add them a list and share only what you want to share with them.

    3. Have her on FB? Understand the person, Google is needed. [There are tools online to evaluate someone’s fb profile: http://labs.five.com/ | This is not stalking or judging — It’s just knowing them better ]

    4. Still interested? First go on a Coffee then dinner and then whatever.

    Hope this helps 😛

  3. I’m so sorry for your experience. It’s awful when we work so hard to be honest and end up hearing lies. There is no way to protect from this. Adding on FB may be able to tell you if the person is married or not, but the truth is someone can open a separate profile that has nothing on it about being married. So, what’s the answer? You may be better served by plugging the name into a people search that can tell you if the person is married, age, etc. It would get pricey as a monthly membership or by piece, so do you fork out the funds or hope that cheaters are an exception versus the rule?

    Best of luck to you!

    • Thanks Peeksi (what an adorable name!) for the input. It’s always a possibility if someone would want, to an extend, be extra cautious and pay to get the right details of a person. But like you mentioned, it’s also easy to cover up the tracks of the truth if the said person knows how. Alternatively, one could just wait till he/she surprises the other by knocking on the door only to have his/her spouse answer it (scene from The Other Woman).

      Truth is, such persons make a bad name for the said gender but it doesn’t mean that all of us are cheaters, liars, players, etc. And there’s really no way we can’t get past these ‘bad seeds’.

      Personally, I wouldn’t pay for more detailed services unless it’s a recurring problem (hopefully not).

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